Being Too Nice
Wednesday, June 29, 2022
Being Too Nice
Introduction
I used to think that being nice was the best way to be. Be polite and accommodating, people will like you. Take their feelings into consideration and you'll get a lot of genuine affection in return. But the truth is, it doesn't matter if anyone likes you or not. What matters is how you feel about yourself, and having an inflated sense of self-worth because other people are always telling you how great you are! That's why I've become more selfish over the years and even a little bit mean. Below are some bits of advice that got me started on my journey toward being less nice, so read on if that sounds like something that would improve your life:
It's always better to be honest than to be nice right?
You've probably heard this phrase before, and it's usually leveled at someone who hurts your feelings by being brutally honest. But what if I told you that not being nice is a sign of maturity? What if I told you that being nice makes you less likely to have a good time in life? That would sound pretty drastic, right? Well, here's the thing: it isn't. In fact, if anything at all can help us grow up faster and create more meaningful relationships with those around us, it's learning when not to be so damn agreeable all the time.
Your feelings will always matter more than anyone else's feelings.
Your feelings are your own, and no one has a right to tell you what to do with them. You get to decide if and when you share your feelings with someone else. It doesn't matter how many times you hear someone say that their opinion or need is more important than yours—they're not. Your needs are more important than anyone else's needs or opinions.
It may sound harsh, but the truth is that no one cares about your feelings as much as you do, so it's up to you to be sure that they're taken care of properly and thoroughly.
You have no obligation to help anyone, even if you can.
You are not a therapist, life coach, priest, social worker, lawyer, doctor or parent. You don't have to help everyone who asks for your time. You can say no when people ask you for favors because they're too nice to say it themselves.
You aren't required by law or morality to help every person in need that crosses your path—and neither am I! It's okay if someone else needs help more than you do right now. In fact, it might even be better if you didn't take on too much responsibility all at once and learned how to say "no" once in awhile instead of saying "yes" over and over again until there's nothing left between the two of you but an empty space where trust should be (and wasn't).
Don't let anyone make you feel bad for having doubts or second thoughts.
If you're reading this article, I can only assume that your mind is already made up about being nice. You don't need to convince yourself; you just need to know how to do it effectively. But if you're wavering in your commitment to niceness or are on the fence about being too nice in general, let me tell you something: If there's any doubt left in your mind at all, then maybe that's a good sign. It means that we have some work ahead of us!
But worry not—your doubts are normal, healthy, necessary and good. Doubts will help keep us from making bad decisions while also helping us take appropriate action when necessary: they're our friends! So don't let anyone make you feel bad for having doubts or second thoughts; instead of letting those feelings fester inside of yourself (and driving away all hope), try talking through them with someone else who understands what it means when someone says "I'm too nice."
Sometimes the best option is not the nicest one.
Sometimes, the best option is not the nicest one.
When you're too nice, you can't say no—and so you give in and take on more than you should. You may feel guilty when your friends ask for help and you can't say yes. You may put yourself last because it's easier to do things for others instead of asking them to reciprocate. And while being kind and helpful can have a positive impact on those around us, sometimes doing the right thing means saying no or speaking up even if it isn't what people want to hear from us. In this case, being nice doesn’t mean being passive or avoiding conflict; rather than going along with what others want or expect from us without question—or trying to give them what we think they want without asking them first—we should be honest about our own preferences and needs regardless of how others might react (which brings me back around to my earlier point about assertiveness).
People come and go but your peace of mind is permanent
People come and go, but your peace of mind is permanent.
You can’t control how other people feel, but you can control how you feel. And that’s all that matters! If someone is having a bad day because they lost something or were cut off in traffic, it has nothing to do with you—or with anyone else for that matter. Your reaction will have an impact on both of you though: if you get upset too easily or take things personally, then maybe this person won’t want to talk to you anymore…and then where would be?
People come and go but your peace of mind is permanent. You need to understand this so that when someone acts out towards us we don't take it personally or give up our own sense of self-worth because someone else decided not be around today (or ever).
Conclusion
I know that the world is hard and it's only getting harder. All we can do is be as kind to ourselves and each other as possible. The one thing I always try to remember is that people come into our lives for a reason, and sometimes they leave for a better season.
